I was on the plane trying to visit my grandad in America, BOOOWW There was a plane crash every one dropped and landed in the woods, unfortanatly I was the only one who survived. I was petrified the ground was full of leaves.it was autumn it was freezing it was 3 am in the morning, My finger was numb felt like a twisted finger looking like branches in the cold freezing wheather, It was a gloomy site. I was scared I could hear the trees screaming dangour through my brain. There was no way out feeling like i was in a maze. AAAWOOOO there was me looking scared looking around trying to see if anyone can get me out of this devilish place, I looked up at the sky i see a plane i screamed and shouted as loud as i can and waved there was no sighn of help no ones trying to get me out of here. CRACK CRACK CRACK the sounds are coming closer and closer from behind me i look behind no ones there i feel more frightened. I carry on walking i see a cracked broken compass on the ground. There was a paper on the floor next to the compass it said “get out of here while you can” my heart jumped as it was trying to jump out of my body. I was walking towards west , while I was walking I looked to my right there was a black and white tent. I pulled down the zip it got stuck felt like someone was in there trying to hold it , I started to nag it and nag it eventually it has opened, There was a bunch of pictures of school girls and most of them had crosses on their faces I wonder why. Next to me there was a brown bag, There was a bunch of items there was a : walky talky, a torch and clothes in the main bit , there was a secrete pocket on the side of the bag I put my hand in there I cut myself there was something sharp I wonder what it is , I pulled it out it was a long sharp kitchen knife I took it for protection as I was in the middle of no where…..

Mr North’s Comments

Ashan,

You have worked hard to create a sense of setting and include your character’s thoughts.  You have included many events,

Remember to use paragraphs

Try to read your work out loud and then separate each idea with a full stop or comma.